Subject: Employee in the 90's You've worked in the 90's if ... You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for 3 different organizations. You learn about your layoff on the news. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job. Vacation is something you roll over to next year, or a check you get every January. Your business cards are no longer correct just one month after you receive them. You have every "Cup-A-Soup" brand known to man in your desk drawer. You have no hobbies that do not involve an electronic device. During any outside-of-work event that vaguely resembles a social activity, your co-workers outnumber your family members. "Shopping" is something you do in the duty-free. You must fill in your own job performance evaluations and target goals because no one else really knows what you do anyway. Besides,the HR Department was outsourced last month. You read this entire list and understood it. ----------------------- You know you work in corporate North America in the 90's if: 1) Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket. 2) You get really excited about a 3% pay raise. 3) Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes. 4) You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet. 5) Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined. 6) It's dark when you drive to and from work. 7) Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else. 8) "Communication" is something your group is having problems with. 9) You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor. 10) Free food left over from meetings is your main staple. 11) Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital. 12) Art involves a white board. 13) You're already late on the assignment you just got. 14) You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say "Oh wow, thanks!" 15) Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube. 16) Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes", "in your spare time", "when you're freed up", and "I have an opportunity for you." 17) Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers". 18) Change is the norm. 19) You read this entire list and understood it. ----------------------- 23 SIGNS THAT YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH OF THE 90s 1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave 2. You now think of three espressos as "getting wasted." 3. You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years. 4. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. 5. You call your son's beeper to let him know it's time to eat. He emails you back from his bedroom, "What's for dinner?" 6. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site. 7. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken with your next door neighbour yet this year. 8. You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your e-mail buddies via a web page. 9. Your daughter just bought a CD of all the records your college roommate used to play. 10. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains echinacea. 11. You check your blow-dryer to see if it's Y2K compliant. 12. Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail inbox, asking you to send her a JPEG file of your new-born so she can create a screen saver. 13. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home. 14. Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the bottom of the screen. 15. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date and now sells for half the price you paid. 16. The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you. 17. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car. 18. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses. 19. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow. 20. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet. 21. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes. 22. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person. 23. You're reading this!!!