QUOTES FOR WOMEN (forwarded to me from a woman) The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. -Helen Hayes (at 73) I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. -Janette Barber Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. -Jan King You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears. -Geri Jewell A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. -Carrie Snow Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. -Laurie Kuslansky My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. -Erma Bombeck Old age ain't no place for sissies. -Bette Davis A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. -Rhonda Hansome The phrase "working mother" is redundant. -Jane Sellman Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows. -Jennifer Unlimited Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. -Caryn Leschen I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer Unlimited If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. -Catherine Aird When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss and they called ME slow! -Kathy Buckley I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I'm also not blonde. -Dolly Parton- You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong- If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. -Sue Grafton- I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr- I think-therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead- When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler- Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson- I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinem- I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night. -Marie Corelli- If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck? -Linda Ellerbee- I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor- Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. -Eleanor Roosevelt-