1. Bill Gate's House
2. Brussels
3. Airplane Crash
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         BILL GATES HOUSE

  Bill: "There are a few issues we need to discuss."

  Contractor: "Ah, you have our basic support option.
  Calls are free for the first 90 days and $75 a call
  thereafter. Okay?"

  Bill: "Uh, yeah... the first issue is the living room.
  We think its a little smaller than we anticipated."

  Contractor: "Yeah. Some compromises were made to
  have it out by the release date."

  Bill: "We won't be able to fit all our furniture in there."

  Contractor: "Well, you have two options. You can purchase
  a new, larger living room: or you can use a Stacker."

  Bill: "Stacker?"

  Contractor: "Yeah, it allows you to fit twice as much
  furniture into the room. By stacking it, of course, you
  put the entertainment center on the couch... the chairs
  on the table... etc. You leave an empty spot, so when
  you want to use some furniture you can unstack what you
  need and then put it back when you're done."

  Bill: "Uh... I Dunno... Issue two. The second issue is
  the light fixtures The bulbs we brought with us from our
  old home won't fit. The threads run the wrong way."

  Contractor: "Oh! That's easy. Those bulbs aren't plug and
  play. You'll have to upgrade to the new bulbs."

  Bill: "And the electrical outlets? The holes are round,
  not rectangular. How do I fix that?"

  Contractor: "Just uninstall and reinstall the electrical system."

  Bill: "You're kidding!?"

  Contractor: "Nope. Its the only way."

  Bill: "<sigh  Well... I have one last problem.
  Sometimes, when I have guests over, someone will flush
  the toilet and it won't stop. The water pressure drops
  so low that the showers don't work."

  Contractor: "That's a resource leakage problem. One
  fixture is failing to terminate and is hogging the
  resource preventing access from other fixtures."

  Bill: "And how do I fix that?"

  Contractor: "Well, after each flush, you all need to
  exit the house, turn off the water at the street, turn
  it back on, reenter the house and then you can get back
  to work."

  Bill: "That's the last straw. What kind of product are you selling me?"

  Contractor: "Hey, if you don't like it, nobody made you buy it."

  Bill: "And when will it be fixed?"

  Contractor: "Oh, in your next house - which will be
  ready to release sometime near the end of next year.
  Actually it was due out this year, but we've had some
  delays..."
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          Brussels

"Brussels police department, how may I assist you?"

"Uh.. yes.. I just got hit in the face with a cream pie."

"Okay, sir. Have you called the Brussels police department
before?"

"No"

"Well, let me get a little information about you for our records.
Your name?"

"Bill Gates"

"Country?"

"The USA"

"Native language?"

"English"

"Okay, sir. Your police department ID number is BP31415927.
Please use this number the next time you call. Now, you say you
were hit in the face with a pie?"

"Yes, I was just about to meet with the Belgian Prime Minister.
One person distracted me while another hit me with a cream pie."

"We've had other customers report that they were hit in the face
with a custard pie. Are you sure it was a cream pie?"

"Well, I have white stuff all over my face and I don't see any
custard, so I really don't think it was a custard pie."

"Have you visited the Prime Minister before?"

"Yes"

"Were you hit in the face with a pie then?"

"No"

"Hmm... have you visited any other Prime Ministers in the past
month?"

"Yes"

"Any pies then?"

"No"

"Okay, well.. let's try something. Go outside the building and
come in again. I'll wait."

"Just a minute.." <<several minutes pass> "Okay, I'm back."

"Did you get hit by another pie?"

"Of course not"

"Well sir, I don't know what could have caused the first pie, but
it looks like things are working fine now. I'll make a note of
the problem, though. If it happens again, please note the exact
details of the situation and call us again. Thank you for calling
the Brussels Police Department. <<click>"
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       Airplane Crash

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were  in an airplane that
crashed.  They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white
throne. God addresses Al first.

"Al, what do you believe in?"

Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and
that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is
used,the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God
thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that.  Come and
sit at my left."

God then addresses Bill Clinton. "Bill, what do you believe in?"

Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think
people should be able to make their own choices about things and that
no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do.  I also
believe in feeling people's pain." God thinks for a second and says
"Okay, that sounds good.  Come and sit at my right."

God then address Bill Gates. "Bill Gates, what do you believe?"

Bill Gates said, "I believe you're in my chair."