At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered
to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight
while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, and a 
calculator. Attorney General John Ashcroft believes the man is a 
member of the notorious al-gebra movement.  He is being charged 
with carrying weapons of math instruction.

Al-gebra is a very fearsome cult, indeed.  They desire average
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on a 
tangent in a search of absolute value. They consist of quite shadowy 
figures,  with names like "x" and "y", and, although they are 
frequently referred to as "unknowns", we know they really belong 
to a common denominator and are part of the axis of medieval 
with coordinates in every country.  As the great Greek philanderer 
isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every angle, and if God 
had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, 
He would have given us more fingers and toes.

Therefore, I'm extremely grateful that our government has 
given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs 
who are so willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. 
These statistic bastards love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence. 
Under the circumferences, it's time we differentiated their root, 
made our point, and drew the line. These weapons of math instruction 
have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene 
never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and 
begin to factor-in random facts of vertex.  As our Great Leader would say, 
Read my ellipse.

Here is one principle he is uncertainty of---though they continue to
multiply, their days are numbered and the hypotenuse will tighten
around their necks.