A Mother's Dictionary

AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has
gone through labor to make love again.

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care
to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the
proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial
disaster.

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby
doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are
wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them=
 right.

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as
long as they do everything we say.

OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other
small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier
by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child
wearing Superman pajamas.

TWO MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns
red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: able to whine in words

WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house...

WEEKEND: when Dad gets to play golf while Mom
catches up on the laundry, cleans the house, runs errands, etc.