Purim SMS Questions and Answers

by Benjie Herskowitz
Purim þ2012

? Can one be yozeh the mitzvah of mishloach manot by sending tofu?
! Of course not! 
? Why not?
 Since the Megillah plainly states: 
"umishloach manot ish leraraihu" - "to one’s friend" 
- and once he receives tofu, he ain’t never gonna be your friend no more.

? Is one permitted to use a bell to make noise when hearing Haman’s name? 
! Davka yes, in fact it’s a hidur mitzvah.
? Why is that?
! Since the gemara tells us, that what caused the Jews to repent, 
was the handing over to Haman, of one of the Kings royal… "rings"

? How about using a drum?
! Permissible, but only for Ashkenazim.
? How come?
! Since they pronounce drum in Hebrew as "sof," which reminds us 
of the happy "sof" to the Purim story.

? Last Purim I felt just terrible.
! What happened?
? Well, it seems that I neglected to make the required noise 
during the megillah reading?
! You mean upon hearing Haman's name?
? No, the word "mas"
! Ah.
? So, Rebbi, is there actually an obligation to make noise then?
! This question is dealt with by The Gri"z - Reb Dov Be'ar, 
or as he's lovingly known in the Torah world, The Grizly Dov-Bear, 
who is posek -- that only people who actually pay the correct amount 
in taxes, is required to make noise, therefore, nowadays, he claims, 
this mitzvah does not apply to any Jews at all.

? Rabbi, I’m a bit concerned.
!  Yes?
? Well, it's Erev Purim and my yingalah tzatzkelah, Herschel Velvel Myer, 
wants to dress up - of all things - as Queen Esther!
! Hmmm, where do you think, he would have gotten such an idea into his head? 
? Not a clue!
!  Well then, maybe your husband would know. Why not ask him?
? Oh, I can’t disturb him now, he’s extremely busy.
!  Really, doing what?
? Putting on his Vashti makeup.
!  Ah.

A new quiz called Who Sez?
Who made the following statements?

"Oh dear, I just haven't got a thing to wear!"

"Make sure you change the oil every 6 months"

"But mom, why doesn't - say… Dalphon, ever have to throw out the trash!"

"Hmmm, I wonder if this mitznefet comes in a size 7¾…."

"3 entire days, and I didn’t manage to lose even an ounce!"

"Hey not so tight - wow, what a view from way up here!"

"Boy, maybe I oughta start cutting back a bit, this here avnet 
is 32 meters long, it hardly spans my waist even once"

"Black is so last year, green is the new color"

"Wow, that Berlitz course in Tarsi, really paid off!"


 Purim Sameach

Don't forget - drink responsibly,
Always remove the cap first