~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Slang Terms For Today's Technology... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chip Jewelry A euphemism for old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into decorative ornaments. "I paid three grand for that Mac SE, and now it's nothing but chip jewelry." CGI Joe A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure. Dorito Syndrome Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome." Egosurfing Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers looking for the mention of your name. Crapplet A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted 30 minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!" Plug-and-Play A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new guy, John, is great. He's totally plug-and-play." Graybar Land The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the screen). "I was in graybar land for hours thanks to that download." Open-Collar Workers People who work at home or telecommute. Keyboard Plaque The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards. "Are there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard plaque." Elvis Year The peak year of something's popularity. "Barney's Elvis Year was 1993." Tourists People who are taking training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the rest were tourists." Beepilepsy The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.