Final Word on the GoodTimes Virus  -  (author unknown)

GoodTimes will rewrite your hard drive.  Not only that, but it will
scramble any disks that are even close to your computer.  It will
recalibrate your refrigerator's thermostat so that all your ice cream
melts.  It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards,
screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to
scratch any CDs you try to play.  It will give your ex-boyfriend your
new phone number.  It will mix Kool-Aid in your fishtank.  It will
drink all your beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when
there's company coming over.  It will put a dead kitten in the back
pocket of your good suit pants and hide your car keys when you are
late for work.

GoodTimes will make you fall in love with a penguin.  It will give
you erotic nightmares about circus midgets.  It will pour sugar in
your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your
current girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel 
room to your Visa card.  Such is the power of GoodTimes: it reaches 
out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear. 

GoodTimes moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't
find it.  It will kick your dog.  It will leave libidinous messages
on your boss's voice mail in your voice!  It is insidious and subtle.
 It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.  It is also a rather
interesting shade of mauve.

GoodTimes will give you Dutch elm disease.  It will make a batch of
methamphetamine in your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the
stove while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your new
snowblower.