HELLO MULLAH, HELLO FATAH (CAMP OSAMA)
Tune: "Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh (Camp Granada)"
[which was to the tune, "Dance of the Hours"]

Hello Mullah,
Hello Fatah,
Here I am at
Camp Osama.
Camp is very
Entertaining,
And they say we'll have some fun in basic training.

I went bombing
With Mohammed.
He blew up like
Halley's comet.
No use going
To the surgeons,
There were parts of him enough for sixty virgins.

All the Sunnis
Hate the Saudis,
And the innies
Hate the outies,
But there's one thing
We agree on:
All the beds are awful hard to get to sleep on.

Camp looks nothing
Like the pictures
They showed us at
The recruiter's.
And the food is
Pretty rotten.
Guess it looks like I've been lied to by bin Laden.

Take me home,
Oh Mullah, Fatah!
Take me home,
I hate Osama.
Don't leave me
Out in Afghanistan
To find my ashes in a can.

Take me home,
I promise I won't
Pierce my ears
Or look at girls like
Britney Spears.
Oh, please don't make me stay,
I've been here one whole day.

I hear airplanes,
They're approaching. . . .
All our bases
Are exploding!
There's no hiding
>From a bomber--
Must close quick now 'cause I'm leaving Camp Osama. . . .

Sixty maidens,
And they're virgin,
But a slightly
Different version:
They all look like
Janet Reno!
Mullah, Fatah, this is hell but how did we know?

Charlie Henrickson, copyright 2001