Signs that you are in Flatbush 

You find yourself waiting on line to get into 'standing room only' at 
Dougie's on Saturday Night.

There are no Starbucks or Barnes & Nobles in sight. There are, however, 5
kosher pizza places within a three block radius.  

The "Kosher Gym"- need I say more? 

The only person to respond to your "Good Shabbos's" is the guy asking for
change on the corner. 

Every other car on the street is a BMW/ Lexus leased from "Malcar". (Only
real Brooklyn aficionados will appreciate that one).

There are at least three shuls/shteibel's on every block, but the one you
daven at, is five blocks away from your house.

You can find a maariv minyan at 12:27 a.m., and then satisfy your midnight
raving at Bissele's.

Every bakery/ and restaurant requires at least three hashgacha's.

Finding a parking spot on Ave. J on a Friday afternoon is your week's
biggest 
triumph.

Chicago? Is that the state near Baltimore?

You are put in Cherem for carrying within the eruv. 

Defense Department security experts are unable to penetrate your shul's 
mechitza. 

Every Yeshiva bochur must have a beeper hanging on his belt, right next to
his cell phone and Blackberry. 

Your parents' small 3-bedroom house with shared driveway can sell for 
$750,000. 

You can't go a day without seeing some 16 year old driving Daddy's Lexus
(poorly). 

You just know Boro Park girls are even jappier than you are. 

My shul's mechitza is treif because Rav Moshe said so. 

My shul's mechitza is kosher because Rav Moshe said so. 

The Vaad just isn't kosher enough. 

Food must be Glatt Kosher, Cholov Yisroel, Bishul Yisroel, Pas Yisroel, 
Bodek, and Chassideshe Shechita. And that's just the pork. 

Every wedding reception is separate seating, except for the chatan and
kallah 
who, for some reason, may sit together. The smorg and the Viennese table,
however, must have mixed pushing and shoving. 

Sheva brachos may be mixed seating if you have goyish or modern Orthodox
relatives, but the rabbi won't come unless he is in a "separate seating 
section." 

Men who are barely shomer Shabbat wear black hats and raincoats at their
chuppa. 

Rabbis won't be mevatel Torah by attending the Salute to Israel Parade,
but 
will attend every political function with Noach Dear or Dov Hikind. 

Derech kesef kadma laTorah.

10 shuls/shteiblach on on every block and G-d forbid you daven on one on
your 
block.

Nobody eats "at" someone's house, they eat "by" someone's house.

Ave. J on Sat. night is Ben -Yehuda Street for 15 year olds.

Every kid's name ends with y or ie, i.e. Duvie, Malky, etc.