Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.
- We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Sports is the toy department of human life.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
There are really only three types of people: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who say, 'What happened?'
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Laughter is an instant vacation.
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge the other guy's out dancing.
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.