Santa Claus Converts to Judaism

MIAMI BEACH, FLA - [TheKnish.com] Exhausted and overworked, 
Santa Claus has decided to convert to Judaism to lessen his workload 
and decrease his stress.

Mr. Claus's first inkling that Judaism was his new intended path 
was when he was unloading one particularly heavy bag of gifts and 
muttered "Oy Oy Oy!" instead of "Ho Ho Ho!" Santa took this as 
divine  inspiration and began some serious reflection on the matter.

Mr. Claus sat down at his desk in the North Pole and itemized the
benefits of bringing toys to Jewish children. Most obvious was that
there were much less children to service, approximately 3,000,000 
Jewish children, as opposed to almost 500,000,000 Christian children. 

The next obvious benefit was that he had eight days of Hannukah to
deliver all of these gifts instead of jamming the entire shipment into
one night, which constantly required the already weary Santa to 
travel at the speed of light to accomplish the task.

Finally, the straw that broke the reindeer's back was the realization
that Jewish households had far more delicious cuisine to offer. 
Gefilte fish, chicken soup, blintzes, knishes and the like are more 
palatable than the milk and cookies he got bored of after the 
second century.

Circumcision won't be necessary for Santa, because that's already 
been taken care of in a freak accident involving frostbite after 
getting stuck in a tight chimney.

Santa has left the frigid, brutal confines of the North Pole and has
begun his toy shop anew in the sunny climes of Miami Beach, 
Florida. He has fired all of those annoying elves and replaced 
them with nice Jewish retirees from New York.

The last piece of the puzzle is legally changing his name to 
something more in line with his new ethnic atmosphere. 
Beginning Hannukah 2003, Santa Claus will heretofore be known 
as the Clausenburger Rebbe