The essence of Jewishness

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take the change a light bulb
A: (Sigh) Don't bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want to be a
   nuisance to anybody.

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Short summary of every Jewish Holiday: They tried to kill us, but
we won, so let's eat.

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Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on
the street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days."
"Force yourself," she replied.

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Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

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A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good," says the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son says, "Why are you so weak?"
She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The man says, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?
The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled
with food if you should call."

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Jewish view on when life begins: There's a big controversy on when
life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not considered viable
until after it graduates from medical school.

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A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been
given a part in the school play. "Wonderful. What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want
a speaking part."

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Jewish telegram: "Begin worrying.  Details to follow."