The Purim Hagaddah Beis Maxwell Edition Featuring the commentary of the Moshav Leitzim Edited by HaRav E. Sommer, Shlit"ah I. Introduction The custom of the Purim feast is widespread among the Jews. But the original custom, as instituted by Mordechai, not only involved a festive meal, but an entire ceremony as well. The Purim Seder, as it is known, is similar in nature to one most Jews know from Passover. Until about 100 yeas ago, the Purim Seder was observed by Jews the world over. But then the custom died out, leaving the Seudah as its only remnant. Recently, however, this lost custom has experienced a revival. Fortunately, all the laws, customs, songs and prayers of Purim Seder can still be found in the Purim Hagaddah, which had been lost, but just recently came to light. II. The Seder Plate The Seder plate contains the five foods most often used in Mishloach Manot. Their arrangement on the plate is as follows. (image of plate with: Gummy Worms / Jelly Fish, Loose Pretzels, Egozi Bar, Orange, small box of raisins) Another custom for the arrangement of the Seder plate is as follows: (image of plate with: same as above plus Dipsy Doodles) Some Rabbis permit the substitution of a Kit Kat for the Egozi bar. The orange can be replaced by an apple or a kiwi b'sha'at ha'dchak. III. Whiskey At various points throughout the Seder, a total of ten shots of whiskey are consumed, representing the ten chapters of the Book of Esther. Ideally, one should use a fine single malt. However, one may also be yotzei the mitzvah using a blended whiskey. Some Rabbis also permit Jack Daniels. For those who cannot afford whiskey, lenient opinions exist permitting the use of various cheaper alcoholic beverages, from airplane whiskey to anti-freeze. In such cases a rabbi should be consulted. IV. Hamantashen The mitzvah of eating hamantashen requires that hamantashen be placed on the table. Since, in the story of Purim, the Jews were saved by a women, we use two hamantashen representing the two women who lived in the palace that are mentioned in the book of Esther, Vashti and Esther. The Beis Ha'Kisei requires a third hamantashen, representing Hagai, the eunuch. The hamantashen should be filled with prune or poppy filling. In Eretz Yisrael, where prune filling is not readily available, choclate spread may be substituted. Differing opinions exist as to the required size of the hamantachen. All agree they must be the size of Haman's ear, but halachik sources differ as to what size Haman's ears were. The Shulchan Aruch holds that Haman's ear was the same size as our ears today, and hence, each of the three sides of the triangular hamantashen must be 2 inches long. The Mishnah Berurah holds that Haman had especially large ears, and sets the length of each side of the hamantashen at 3 inches. The Chazon Ish holds that back in the third century B.C.E., peoples' ears actually reached all the way down to the floor, citing as proof the popular kids song "Do Your Ears Hang Low." Thus, he holds that the hamantashen must be 6 feet long per side. V. The Seder To begin the seder, the first shot of whiskey is drunk. At this point, the hamantashen are uncovered, and all the participants recite the following prayer together: This is the triangular bread, which our forefathers ate in the land of Persia. Whoever comes to our door with mishloach manot, we will pass along the food that the person just before him brought to us. Whoever comes to our door with mishloach manot, we will pretend that we aren't surprised, and had planned on giving to him all along. This year we had to use one of our floating holidays; next year may we be given the day off. This year we are home; next year may we be invited out. At this point, the top hamantashen is broken down the middle. The bigger half is hidden somewhere in house; hopefully, it will be found by Passover. The second shot of whiskey is now drunk. The Torah speaks of four sons: the smart son, the wicked son, the simple son and the son who knows not how to ask. The smart son - what does he say?: "This whole thing about dressing up in costume - didn't we steal that from Halloween?" The wicked son - what does he say?: "I'm starving! Can we skip all this junk and just get to the meal already?!" The simple son - what does he say?: "Can I have your raisins?" As for the son who knows not how to ask: Enjoy it while it lasts! You'll have plenty of time later on in of your life to field his smart-aleck questions. At the point in the Seder, the names of Haman's ten sons are recited. To pretend that we take no joy even in the destruction of our enemies, as each name is read, it is customary to dip one's little finger into the middle of the hamantashen, take out a small bit of filling, and wipe the filling on ones neck, symbolizing that fact that the sons were hanged. 1. Parshendatah 2. Dalphon 3. Aspatah 4. Poratah 5. Adaliah 6. Aridatah 7. Parmashtah 8. Arisai 9. Aridai 10. Vaizatah Rabbi Judah made up acronyms to remember the names: PD"A PA"A PAA"V What exactly is so clever about that? Nobody knows. The third and fourth shots of whiskey are now drunk. Rabbi Akiva says: The Megillah speaks of the hanging of Haman's ten sons not once, but twice - once, when listing all the people killed by the Jews during the war, and the second time, when Esther asks the King to have them hanged. From this we see that Haman really had twenty sons. Rabbi Tarphon says: The first time it mentions the hanging of Haman's sons, it lists the ten names; the second time it lists them as one unit, for a total of eleven listings. If each listing represents ten sons, it can be inferred that Haman had 110 sons. Rabbi Meir says: When the Megillah lists the names of Haman's sons, it precedes each name by the word 'and'. If each 'and' and each name each represent ten sons, it can be inferred that Haman had 200 sons, plus the ten mentioned again later on, for a total of 210 sons. Which explains why he was actually relieved when the King decided to have him hanged. The fifth shot of whiskey is now drunk. What Would Have Been the Point? If Vashti had been banished, but Esther had never become Queen What Would Have Been the Point? If Esther had become Queen but had not learned of Haman's plot What Would Have Been the Point? If Esther had learned of Haman's plot, but had not been granted an audience with the King What Would Have Been the Point? If Esther had been granted an audience with the King, but the King had not had trouble sleeping What Would Have Been the Point? If the King had had trouble sleeping, but had not read about Mordechai What Would Have Been the Point? If the King had read about Mordechai, but had not asked Haman to lead him around on a horse What Would Have Been the Point? If the King had asked Haman to lead Mordechai around on a horse, but had not gone to Esther's party What Would Have Been the Point? If the King had gone to Esther's party, but had not had Haman hanged What Would Have Been the Point? If the King had had Haman hanged, but had not made the Jews victorious over their enemies What Would Have Been the Point? But the Holy One, Blessed be He: Had Vashti banished Had Esther become Queen Had Esther learn of Haman's plot Had Esther granted an audience with the King Had the King have trouble sleeping Had him read about Mordechai Had him ask Haman to lead Mordechai around on a horse Had the King go to Esther's party Had Haman hanged And made the Jews victorious over their enemies Which was, after all, the whole point The sixth shot of whiskey is now drunk. The hamantashen are now eaten. Take the whole hamantashen, plus the broken half, in one hand and recite the blessing: Blessed art thou, our G-d, who hath commanded us on the mitzvah of eating hamantashen The hamantashen should now be stuffed down ones throat within the allotted time of 22 seconds. We now take the orange from the Seder plate, a bit of hamantashen filling, and some tequila and say: In commemoration of the temple of Hillel. Thus would Hillel do: He would suck on the orange, lick some hamantashen filling off the back of his fist, and take a shot of tequila, in order to fulfill what is written: "'Sof ma'a'seh b'machshavah techilla' - do not read 'techilla', but rather 'tequila'." Now, with everyone on the verge of starvation, yet sickened from eating all those hamantashen, we finally arrive at the main meal. By the time the meal is over, one has probably lost count of how many shots of whiskey have been drunk. One should now drink the remaining shots of whiskey freely. The traditional hymn "One hundred bottles of beer on the wall" is now sung. This hymn dates back to Babylon during the Amoraic period, where is was composed by a group of rabbis who stayed a bit too late in the bait midrash one night. One hundred bottles of beer on the wall One hundred bottles of beer Take one down, pass it around Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall Ninety-nine bottles of beer Take one down, pass it around Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall (Continue until no more bottles of beer remain on the wall) Now, to fulfill the mitzvah of "ad d'lo yadah," we sing the following song: Who knows Haman? I know Haman! Haman was the one who adopted Esther. …Or was that Mordechai? Having now come to the end of the Seder, the song "One Little Paper" is sung. This song was written by Rabbi Shmuel of Chelm, in the late 18th century. The commentators tell us that the paper symbolizes the Jews, known as "The People of the Book", the scissors symbolize Haman, who was a barber by profession, and the rock symbolizes G-d, who is known by the nickname "Tzur Yisrael" (The Rock of Israel). One little paper, one little paper That Father bought for two zloti One little paper, one little paper And then came the scissors and cut the paper That Father bought for two zloti One little paper, one little paper And then came the rock and jammed the scissors That cut the paper That Father bought for two zloti One little paper, one little paper And then came the paper and covered up the rock That jammed the scissors, that cut the paper That Father bought for two zloti One little paper, one little paper And then came the scissors and cut the paper That covered the rock, that jammed the scissors That cut the paper That Father bought for two zloti One little paper, one little paper And then came the rock and jammed the scissors That cut the paper, that covered the rock That jammed the scissors, that cut the paper That Father bought for two zloti One little paper, one little paper And then came the paper and covered up the rock That jammed the scissors, that cut the paper That covered the rock, that jammed the scissors That cut the paper That Father bought for two zloti One little paper, one little paper And then came the scissors and cut the paper That covered the rock, that jammed the scissors That cut the paper, that covered the rock That jammed the scissors, that cut the paper That Father bought for two zloti One little paper, one little paper (Continue forever, or until the Messiah comes and reveals the ending) Some now have the custom to read The Book of Esther throughout the night. Others have the custom to sit back and do shots of Jagermeister. Still others have the custom to read the Book of Esther while doing shots of Jagermeister.