One of the things I've noticed while driving across this great land of ours is this: The people who make road signs have Q-tips Cotton Swabs(tm) for brains. I'm not talking about your average, humdrum road sign like "STOP" or "YIELD" to which the average, intelligent American driver pays little or no attention in the first place. No. I'm talking about the kind of road signs that make you wonder if the guys down at the DOT are running with a full frame of resident pages, if you get my proverbial drift. These are some of my favorites: LOW-FLYING AIRCRAFT Tell me, does the placement of this sign on the highway imply some action on my part as a motorist? I mean, just how "low-flying" are these aircraft? What am I supposed to do if I see one? Duck? Should I assume that the aircraft has the right of way? This sign is about as valuable as its cousin: WATCH FOR FALLING ROCKS (little picture of an avalanche) "Well officer the reason I rear-ended the school bus was because I had my eyes peeled on that mountainside so I could swerve to avoid any boulders that happened to come loose as I drove past..." ROAD UNDER CONSTRUCTION PASS AT YOUR OWN RISK What this sign means is, if, as you are driving through the con- struction area past the ten or twelve road workers who are standing around in small groups with their hands in their pockets discussing whether or not the color of the steam-roller conforms to their union contract, and one of them flicks a cigarette butt your way which ignites your gas tank and your car explodes, you cannot hold them liable for damages. NO TRUCKS LEFT LANE No verb this sentence. BLASTING AREA. TURN OFF TWO-WAY RADIOS. I wonder how many crazed pyromaniacs drive around with a carload of walkie-talkies looking for these babies, hmm? MEN IN TREES Don't worry guys, evolution is your friend. LAST SANITARY FACILITIES FOR 30 MILES "Gee, I guess we'll have to use the unsanitary ones..." HAVE YOU CHECKED YOUR TIRES LATELY? This is on the Maine turnpike just after you come over "The Bridge" from New Hampshire. It serves as a reminder to tourists that it could snow at any minute without warning.