August 5, 1999

                    From the Washington Post:

  Day traders usually buy and sell small quantities of extremely
volatile stocks, usually in technology firms, hoping to make quick
profits on stakes held for less than one full day and sometimes as
 little as a couple of minutes. [...] It is a risky way to invest,
 and most day traders give up after losing the money they invest.

     The Top 13 Signs Your Significant Other is a Day Trader

             [  The Top 5 List   www.topfive.com  ]
             [   Copyright 1999 by Chris White    ]

13> Makes plans to take you to dinner at either the Plaza or
    Burger King, depending on whether Bill Gates testifies
    that day.

12> In bed, never wants to hold a position for longer than a 
    few minutes.

11> Leaps off high-rise with his laptop, makes $5,000 on way down.

10> When you ask if your butt looks big in these pants he says,
    "Sorry, I can't say. I have insider information."

 9> The sumbitch types faster than Stephen King!

 8> Doesn't seem to notice he's been wearing the same robe and
    underwear for two weeks now.

 7> She ain’t yelling "Yahoo!" because of you, big guy.

 6> You haven't seen this much sweat on the keyboard since
    www.reallybigbreasts.com came on line.

 5> Looks nervous every time you mention the kids' college fund.

 4> Dinner last night:  Duck a l'orange, caviar, creme brulee.
    Dinner tonight:  Gruel.

 3> Helps your kid make a sign:  "LEMONADE: 1 7/16"

 2> 12:41pm:  Offers to trade some of his French fries for some 
              of your onion rings.   
    12:47pm:  Offers a few of the onion rings back to recoup 
              lost French fry capital.

            and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign Your 
            Significant Other is a Day Trader...

 1> In: The personal margin call    Out: The booty call