Which video should I buy?  Help me out here.

 TITANIC VIDEO:  $9.99 on Internet.
 CLINTON VIDEO:  $9.99 on Internet.

 TITANIC VIDEO:  Over 3 hours long.
 CLINTON VIDEO:  Over 3 hours long.

 TITANIC VIDEO:  The story of Jack and Rose, their
 forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
 CLINTON VIDEO:  The story of Bill and Monica, their
 forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

 TITANIC VIDEO:  Jack is a starving artist
 CLINTON VIDEO:  Bill is a bullshit artist.

 TITANIC VIDEO:  In one part, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
 CLINTON VIDEO:  Ditto for Bill.

 TITANIC VIDEO:  During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
 CLINTON VIDEO:  Ditto for Monica.

 TITANIC VIDEO:  Jack teaches Rose to spit.
 CLINTON VIDEO:  Let's not go there.

 TITANIC VIDEO:  Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
 CLINTON VIDEO:  Monica's forced to return her gifts.

 TITANIC VIDEO:  Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
 CLINTON VIDEO:  Monica doesn't remember Jack.

 TITANIC VIDEO:  Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
 CLINTON VIDEO:  Monica...uh, never mind.

 TITANIC VIDEO:  Jack surrenders to an icy death.
 CLINTON VIDEO:  Bill goes home to Hillary (basically the same thing)