THINGS TO DO AT WALMART

 1.  Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
     carts when they don't realize it.

 2.  Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals
     throughout the day.

 3.  Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the
     restrooms.

 4.  Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,
     "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what
     happens.

 5.  Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all
     off and turn the volumes to "10."

 6.  Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

 7.  Put M&M's on layaway.

 8.  Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

 9.  When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,
     "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

 10.  Look right into the security camera, and use it as a
      mirror while you pick your nose.

 11.  While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk
      if he knows where the antidepressants are.

 12.  Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the
      restrooms.

 13.  Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
      "Mission Impossible."

 14.  Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

 15.  Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through,
      say things like "Pick me! pick me!!"

 16.  Go into a dressing room and yell real loud . . ."Hey,
      we're out of toilet paper in here!"