Passover Top 10 Lists

10. After having survived numerous poisoning attempts, Pharaoh appoints his mother-in-law to the post of Royal Food Tester.

9. Each morning before anyone is awake; he goes out to the Nile, relieves himself and thus dangerously raises Egypt's drinking water's ammonia and chloride levels.

8. He starts a crowd-sourcing to raise money to help OJ Simpson find the "real" killer.

7. After being forewarned by Moses of the coming of the plague of darkness, Pharaoh sells off all of his stock in the Cairo Electric Company.

6. Pharaoh’s personal Royal Chariot is known to intentionally flout all of the pollution emission laws.

5. Not only did he throw Jewish babies into the Nile, but made it mandatory that all school children learn how to diagram a sentence.

4. Claims that his only intention in throwing babies into the Nile was Advanced Toddler swimming lessons, something he read about in this month's Egyptian Reader's Digest.

3. During the plague of barad (hail), Pharaoh beheads the Royal band leader for happily playing "Hail To The Chief."

2. He is invited as a contestant to the original Egyptian game show, The $10,000 Pyramid, and accepts only on the condition that he's given all of the answers ahead of time.

And the number one sign that Pharaoh is an evil, evil man…

1. He bans all forms of Torah learning… except for Mesechet Yevamot (Tractate Yevamot).

For Outside of Israel: You’re not actually sure when your first "Seder" ended, and the second one began.

10. It has been so long, that your "Seder" wine has aged to the point that it actually tastes acceptable.

9. You can swear that your 5 year-old son, who earlier, so cutely, asked "The 4 Questions," is starting to need to shave.

8. The non-Jew who bought the country’s chametz, has already sold it all back.

7. So long, that Donald Trump is reelected as President of the United States.

6. Smoke from the neighbors Log B’Omer bonfires, wafts into your dining room.

5. Rabbi Akiva’s students come to remind YOU that it's morning, and time for reciting the morning prayers.

4. So long that your Zaide Hayim begins snoring to the tune of "Mah Nishtanah"

3. It has been so long, that the "chad gadya" (the single kid-goat) settles down, marries a lamb and has a little "chad gadya" of their own.

2. Your front porch is covered with so many spider webs, and Elijah the Prophet needs a machete to enter your house.

And the number one sign, that your Pesach "Seder"
has gone on for tooooo long…

1. For fear of drowning, it’s the third time that Uncle Myron’s snoring head has to be pulled up from his matza ball soup.